A Symposium on Soulmates
by tlcinbflo
Summary: Sloan Shepard and Garrus Vakarian have a conversation on human beliefs, love, destiny, and soulmates. A oneshot from the same storyline as The Reason. Shenko, though Kaidan is absent. Rating is for language.


A Symposium on Soulmates

Sloan Shepard entered the Starboard Observation Lounge and immediately closed the shutter on the window looking out to the stars. It was still an image that made her uncomfortable, an image that brought back unpleasant memories. She sighed, and fell onto the couch lifting her legs and stretching them in front of her. She lifted the data pad and started working on the reports from today. Her mind wandered, almost instantly, to the man sleeping in the med-bay.

It didn't matter how many times Chakwas told her Kaidan was going to be okay, she wouldn't be able to concentrate until he woke. She'd seen him with migraines before, but she had never seen him like this. She chewed her lip and stretched, lifting her arms over her head, she sighed.

Her eyes were growing heavy, and she felt her body settling. It had been a hell of a day, but she didn't want to go to the cabin alone. It already felt more like their space than hers, and the thought of leaving him down here made her uneasy. She closed her eyes and laid her head on the back of the couch. The Rachni were on their way to Hackett, oddly enough, to help with the Crucible. Grunt was resting in the med-bay, and Wrex was keeping him company as they waited for the Krogan ship to dock and take them home to Tuchanka. She didn't know how she would have handled it if Grunt had died. She had just lost Thane, and Mordin before that. It was like, one by one, she was losing everything connecting her to her past.

Then they had brought Kaidan into the med-bay. His skin was pale and waxy, slick with sweat, and his lips crusted with vomit. Her heart had jumped to her throat. He was so out of it; it seemed like more than a headache and she couldn't help but worry that it had something to do with his injury from Mars. Dr. Chakwas said she would reach out to the doctor on the Citadel who had helped him rehabilitate. She hoped he would have some insight into the magnitude of the migraine.

The door sighed and she opened her eyes and looked to see who had entered. She smiled, "Hey, Vakarian," She greeted, and he nodded as he crossed the threshold. He walked to the bar and she watched as he took two glasses and two bottles. He poured a dextro based drink for himself, and a healthy serving of whiskey in the other.

"How's our little Krogan?" He asked as he joined her on the couch handing her a glass as he sat. She curled her legs beneath her and chuckled softly.

"He'll be okay. It will be awhile before he's back on his feet and fighting but he's going to make it," She said simply, the relief was thick in her voice, and she took a healthy swallow of her drink. Garrus nodded and asked about Kaidan. "Chakwas says he'll be fine. It's a migraine, from the L2," She explained and the Turian nodded, and looked forward to the closed shutters. "Something else on your mind?"

A low rumbling laugh slipped from him as his mandibles twitched, "Yeah," He admitted and looked at her. "You seem happy." It was a statement, not a question, but there was something in the undertone of his voice that made Shepard feel like he was questioning her.

She nodded, "I am, as happy as I can be with the world ending."

"It's because of Alenko," He accused, and Shepard met his deep blue eyes. She shifted and sat straighter, folding her legs in front of her.

"Yeah, it is," She confirmed and Garrus looked away from her. "Does that bother you?" She asked. It was no question he harbored some ill feelings towards Kaidan, she just wasn't sure exactly where they came from. She had known this conversation was inevitable. He took a long drink before he answered.

"I don't understand," He admitted leaning back and drumming his taloned fingers on the arm of the couch. Sloan remained silent, and let him ruminate. She sipped her drink as she waited for him to ask a question. He said nothing. The space was filled with the sound of his talons on the leather.

"You should know that people are starting to talk," She offered, and Garrus turned and looked at her, "You're pissed off at Kaidan for no goddamn reason. People think you're jealous."

"Jealous?" The disbelief in his voice was clear, even through the multiple tones. "Why would I be jealous of Kaidan?" She cocked an eyebrow at him, and he just stared. It became clear to Shepard he had no idea what she was getting at.

"They think you're in love with me, and you're jealous that I'm with Kaidan," She explained, and Garrus's mandibles twitched almost violently as he spluttered. Shepard laughed, rich and throaty as Garrus gaped at her.

"That's absurd," He responded shaking his head, "I mean, you're great but, you're so soft and pink," He replied and Shepard laughed again, this time, Garrus joined her. It was a minute later when the room was quiet again.

"I know you're not in love with me, but I also know something bothers you," She said simply, and Garrus looked at her. She wasn't in love with him, and she knew he wasn't in love with her. She had learned how to read him over the years. Since she woke on that Cerberus station, he had become her best friend. Aside from Joker and Chakwas, who had the advantage of knowing she was being brought back, he was the first to accept her reappearance without question. He'd dropped everything and followed her to hell. There was no Shepard without Vakarian, and she needed to fix whatever this was because there was no Sloan without Kaidan. She sighed, "What is it, Garrus?"

"I don't understand," He admitted, and she cocked her head at him. "He walked away from you. He didn't believe you. He left you when you needed him, and I saw what that did to you," He reminded her, and her eyes fell to her hands. "Don't forget, Shepard, I was on the Collector Base with you. I watched Thane drag you to the shuttle. How can you trust him?"

She sighed. It made sense that he wouldn't understand how she could trust him again. He was not the type to give second chances. He assassinated the last person who betrayed him, and she had helped. "My actions on the Collector Base came from more than Kaidan. Blaming him for that is not fair," She insisted, knocking back the rest of her drink when she felt the annoyance twist in her chest when he clicked at her. "You're looking at what happened between us from the outside, and from an alien perspective," She paused and waited for him to look at her. "Kaidan didn't push me away to hurt me, or because he didn't care about me," She could sense his skepticism in the angle of his head. She shared with him parts of what Kaidan had told her at Huerta. How he'd buried her, grieved for her, and tried to move on and forget, but couldn't. "He spent two years trying to let go, and then I was there, standing in front of him. It was easier for him to believe that I had left him than it was to believe that I had been resurrected."

"He believes now?" Garrus asked, his undertones still laced with disbelief. She sighed, and insisted he did. "You said he tried to move on, but he couldn't. Did you try?" He asked and Shepard immediately thought of Thane. She knew it would be disrespectful to share what had happened between them before they went through the Omega 4 Relay. She simply sighed sadly and responded that she couldn't. Garrus clicked in annoyance, "Couldn't implies an inability not an unsuccessful attempt," Garrus questioned.

"There were not a lot of options for me while I was with Cerberus, and then I was under house arrest," She insisted, and Garrus shifted his position turning slightly towards her.

"Bull. You could walk into any bar, any where, point a finger and take any male home with you," He insisted and Shepard started to argue but he held up a hand, "You can't tell me you don't know the way the males of your species reacts to your presence," He tilted his head at her when she rolled her eyes. "I can smell them, Shepard." She chuckled and picked at her perfect cuticles. "Why couldn't and not didn't?"

She knew he was right. Her reputation alone would guarantee her a bedmate if she wanted one. Thing was, she didn't just want anyone. She wanted Kaidan. She wasn't even sure how to explain that. "I don't know. I know I've never felt anything like this before. I know the thought of him with someone else makes me want to shoot something. The thought of me being with someone else," She paused. She couldn't imagine being with anyone else. She declared as much, and Garrus remained silent.

The door behind them opened, and Shepard turned and looked to see who had joined them. Javik entered and went to the window controls. He opened the shutters, and Shepard tensed instantly. He moved and sat nearby, completely oblivious to the other occupants of the room. They watched him as he began his meditations, and continued their conversation quietly.

"You've been with others," Garrus stated the obvious.

"Yes," She answered simply. She was surprised she wasn't uncomfortable having this conversation with Garrus. He was certainly acting like an older brother, and she did appreciate the sentiment. Perhaps it had to do with the fact that she missed the way it was for the three of them on the SR1. They were friends, a team, and she wanted that back. Maybe sharing this with him would help him understand.

"Yet, you 'can't imagine' being with anyone else," His flanging voice was skeptical.

"I can _imagine_ it, I just don't want to," She admitted, and Garrus remained quiet as he took in her words. She let out a quiet chuckle, "I don't know, maybe we're soulmates."

Garrus's eyes narrowed and his head cocked at her as he repeated the word, "My translator didn't pick up that word. What is that?" Shepard chewed her lip as she considered how to explain the idea of a soulmate.

"Some humans believe there is one person who we are meant to meet, and fall in love with," She said, and Garrus shook his head, declaring the idea ridiculous. "It's not. Most humans will marry for life," She insisted, and Garrus looked doubtful. She watched him as he tried to process this information. "Let me try it this way, you know there are multiple religions within humanity," She posed the question as a statement, and Garrus nodded. "Ancient Greek mythology states that humans were originally created with four legs, four arms, and two faces. Zeus, the king of the gods, feared the power of the humans. He separated them, taking one and splitting them, two arms, two legs, and one face. The separation causes us to look for our other half," She explained, and Garrus's face seemed to soften, as much as a Turian face could.

"And Kaidan is your other half?" He asked, his voice still held some disbelief but she thought maybe he was getting it.

"Well, I don't know that I believe we were once one being and were split by the gods, but I do know that I feel _found_ when I am with him," She replied, and Garrus nodded. Their conversation stalled as they considered the information that had been shared.

Garrus watched her as she drifted away. It was clear, from the way she was smelling, that she was thinking about Kaidan and their time together. He may never understand the ease with which she forgave him, but he couldn't deny she was happy. He couldn't deny he was good for her. He's a soldier; he understands their time is limited and who is he to begrudge her something that makes her smile?

"I think I can understand that," He answered, " _Soulmates_ , it is an interesting concept." He agreed and Shepard considered the Turian religion and their belief in spirits. She was suddenly glad she had used this specific example as a way to explain how she felt about Kaidan.

"It is a ridiculous theory," Javik spoke up, startling the duo.

"Why do you say that?" Shepard asked, as they both turned to look at the Prothean.

"Humans never had four arms, four legs, and two faces," He replied without opening his eyes or even acknowledging their presence in any other way.

"Well, I never said that I believed we were once one being. I do believe that there are people that we are meant to meet. I believe I was meant to meet Anderson, and he was supposed to convince me to enlist in the Alliance. I believe I was meant to meet Kaidan, and that we were meant to fall in love. I believe I was meant to meet Garrus, and we were meant to be friends. Shit, I believe I was meant to meet you, Javik. I haven't quite figured out why, yet," She replied, Javik seemed to be considering her words when his four yellow eyes opened and blinked at her. She could only imagine the thoughts racing through his head at the primitives and their absurd beliefs. He closed his eyes with a light shake of his head, and Shepard felt a pang of sorrow for him. Her shoulders rose and fell on a sigh, "Everything happens for a reason."

EDI's disembodied voice broke into the room, "Shepard?"

"Yeah?" She answered glancing up at the ceiling.

"Dr. Chakwas asked me to alert you. Major Alenko is waking," She answered, and Shepard grinned widely and locked eyes with Garrus.

"Thank you, EDI," She answered, before turning her attention to her best friend. "I don't know how else to explain it," She shrugged, and Garrus nodded.

"I don't think you need to. I understand. It will take me longer to forget the sight of him walking away from us, but I'll try," He offered, after all, when he walked away from her on Horizon, he had walked away from Garrus, too. Garrus knew it would take time for their friendship to heal, but at least now he could stop being upset about him breaking Shepard. Apparently, he had put her back together again in a way Cerberus never could. She nodded, and reached out and placed a hand on his knee, smiling, before she stood to go to the door.

"Oh, and Garrus?" She asked and he turned to look at her. "I have never seen a Quarian without their suit, but I'd bet a serious number of credits that they're soft, and pink," She winked at him, and he spluttered but was not able to respond, as she stepped through the doors and hurried to the med-bay.


End file.
